Strong, lasting relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about consistent effort, mutual respect, and shared growth. Couples who thrive for decades often embody a few key traits that set them apart. Drawing insights from Nicole LePera (The Holistic Psychologist), her interview with Lewis Howes, and research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, here’s what makes these enduring partnerships work.

If you’ve been in couples therapy, chances are you’ve practiced the classic “I” statements: “I feel hurt when…” or “I need you to…” These statements are meant to foster open, blame-free communication. But let’s face it—they can sometimes feel stiff, formulaic, or even shallow. Worse, they may not bridge the emotional gap between you and your partner.

So, what if there was a more dynamic approach? Instead of rigidly focusing on what you feel or need, shift your focus outward with openness, curiosity, and compassion. Start by deeply listening—not just to the words, but to the meaning behind them.